He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
