I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
