First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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