You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
