u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
