it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
