FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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