don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
