So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
