So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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