Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
