and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
