at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
