She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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