I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
