you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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