Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
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My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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