Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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