jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
