I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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