I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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