Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
