I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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