Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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