I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
