I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
