watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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