So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
