There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
