He asked to "fluff my boner.."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
