Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
