How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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