Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sext me about skeletons
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
