totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize