I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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