is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
