You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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