Can i not drive my cunt home
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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