Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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