we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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