TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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