true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
