How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
