Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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