there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
