I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
