best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
