She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
