I cannot find my penis.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
