Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
