is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
