I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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