Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
