the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
