I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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