Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
