Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
