even my farts smell like vagina
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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