when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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