I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
