You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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