...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
