When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
